You may have noticed that I didn’t post anything last Sunday for NaNoWriMo, it’s not because I forgot! It’s because I didn’t write anything at all during that week. I also haven’t, and probably won’t, end up writing anything at all this weeks. This begs the question of whether or not I am even a writer at this point (I am, that was rhetorical. A bear doesn’t stop being a bear because it’s hibernating.)
Truthfully, I think the problem with the serial and my ability to stick to it has very little to do with the degree to which I am overwhelmed/stressed by work or what has become our everyday life here in 2021. It’s more to do with the possibility that I simply don’t have a story I want to tell.
I have a setting.
I have some excellent characters.
I’m not sure I have a story to tell. I keep wanting to fuss with the setting and the architecture of the setting and the notions of the characters and fiddle with the details. A lot of very competent successful people in the writing community would say to just get over all that and write, that the story is what matters (that’s kind of the whole point of NaNoWriMo even). The thing is I’m not sure I care? I’ve never been one to set up model train kits, but I imagine that the joy is similar to what I’m doing. It’s like playing Minecraft with all the enemies turned off, except I can actually do anything because writing doesn’t have a program to follow (as such).
I am one hundred percent certain this is the wrong attitude to have if you want to be a professional writer, but I think it’s become clear that path is not mine. At least not in the conventional sense. Maybe when I have the model set completely to my liking and everything is in its proper place and just so I will get around to actually crafting a narrative to live there.
Maybe I will be in my 70s when that happens.
Maybe instead I’ll come up with a codified set of rules, or a D&D port and hand the model kit over to the Internet.
I really don’t know. This will remain what it really has always been, just a place for me to write things and throw them into the void.